Faithfully Yours - ‘That won’t be a problem’

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Published on Saturday, July 16, 2016

By Neil Strohschein

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Several years ago, while living in another city, I learned a valuable lesson in acceptance. It came thanks to an encounter with a couple in their mid-20s who were looking for someone to officiate at their wedding. The first of several visits we would have came after a phone call I received from the groom-to-be. He had some questions for me and I told him I would do my best to answer them.

“We don’t attend church,” he said. “Will that be a problem?

“No,” I said, “that won’t be a problem—because you can fix that at 11 a.m. next Sunday.”

He laughed. I laughed. The ice was broken and he posed his next question. “I am Catholic and my fiancé is Protestant. Will that be a problem?”

“No,” I said, “that won’t be a problem. But you will need to have a serious discussion about how you will raise your children; because you will be pressured to raise them in one church or the other. You need to have a plan in place to deal with that.” He assured me that they did.

“We have been living together for seven years,” he said. “Will that be a problem?”

“No,” I said, “that won’t be a problem—because that is history and I can’t undo it.”

He paused for a while and then said: “We’d like to come and see you at 10 a.m. tomorrow. Will that be a problem?”

“No,” I said, “that won’t be a problem.” And so they came to see me.

Their first question was: “Neil, what makes you tick? We have been to see five other ministers; and everything I asked you on the phone was a problem for them. Why wasn’t it a problem for you?”

“Before I answer your question,” I said, “I’d like you to answer mine. Why do you want to get married?”

He paused for a moment and then shared their story. They had fallen in love while they were in high school, had dated for two years after graduation and then moved in together. They had a good relationship and it was getting stronger every day.

“One day we started talking about having children,” he said, “and then it hit us. We looked at each other and said: ‘Why are we prepared to commit ourselves to be parents of children when we aren’t prepared to commit ourselves to each other as husband and wife?’ So we want to do this right. We want to commit ourselves to each other first—and then become parents.”

“I had a hunch that’s what you’d say,” I told them. “That’s why none of the issues you raised are problems for me. You’ve told me that there’s something missing in your relationship, that you know what it is and that you want to take steps to fill that void. I want to help you; so before either of us changes our mind, let’s have a wedding and let’s have a party.”

That’s what we did; and a year later, they became the proud parents of twin girls.

One of these days I am going to stand before God; and if he should ask me why I met with this couple and agreed to help them make their wedding day one they would always remember, my answer will be something like this: “Lord, I have tried to treat them in the same way you, for Jesus’ sake, treated me. I welcomed them into my life just as they were; but I loved them too much to leave them that way.”