The view from my chair - Charlie Hebdo edition

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Published on Monday, January 26, 2015

By Alan Gillies

G.E.M. Media

People were shot because they drew cartoons.

It crushed me to learn of the terrorist attack and mass murder at the offices of Charlie Hebdo in France.

Charlie Hebdo is a satirical French magazine, its name taken from the comic strip Charlie Brown and hebdomadaire (“weekly”).

God protect those of us who go into greater descriptive detail.

Muslims believe that any image of Mohammed (Muhammad) to be blasphemous and Charlie Hebdo had published comical drawings of the Prophet, right on the cover, more than once.

On Jan. 7, two masked gunmen, later identified as Muslim brothers Cherif and Said Kouachi, murdered 12 people, apparently believing that Allah had been offended and could be avenged by the deaths of cartoonists, journalists and also policemen.

Killing someone to “avenge” the honour of your almighty deity is ridiculous. I’m pretty sure that if Allah was so grievously offended, he could have taken matters into his own hands.

And much like the sixth Commandment of the Decalogue that Jews and Christians know as “Thou shalt not kill” (albeit the true literal translation is “Thou shalt not murder”), the Qur'an says: "Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.”

After 9/11, patriotism in the United States swelled similarly to the post-WWII return of fighting men and women. After the incident in Paris, a “unity rally” of over two million French citizens took to the streets, carrying the slogan “Je suis Charlie”. The Hollywood elite showed support at the Golden Globes by branding themselves with the same three words, which have now become an internet hashtag #JeSuisCharlie. The magazine that had previously published 60,000 copies weekly is now printing three million.

Freedom. Nice try, bad guys, but we’re still here, and every time you try to hurt us, you make us stronger.

Islamic extremists shot French citizens who were openly critical of society, including that which is incomprehensible, insensitive, and insane about political religious extremism (regardless of whose politics and/or which religion).

We call it exercising the right to freedom of speech, which is indeed a right, provided it be not in personal slander (although that happens all the time) or an incitement of acts dangerous to others.

In all honesty, our own most sacred religious texts, were they to be taken literally, could be considered hate literature. The Old Testament was written at a time when slavery and death by stoning were not considered barbaric. The Christian religion celebrates the martyring of its leader by crucifixion (thankfully no longer an accepted practice) with its very symbol.

The difference between modern Western civilization and the traditional Muslim world is self-evident earlier in this very sentence.

The West has grown up, developed tolerance and believes that the greatest asset to a society is an informed and literate electorate. We’re no longer subject to the scriptural interpretations of current religious leaders, and we’re free to choose which church at which we will worship, even if that means none at all.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, it’s apparently believed that it’s acceptable to beat, torture and kill anyone and everyone who doesn’t subscribe to the strict, literal teachings on one religion. Women are treated like chattel. Education is minimal.

Geez. I have rivals who are incompetent, promote lies, and think they’re funny, entertaining and interesting. I have no intention of killing them, though. I just laugh at them, because I defeat them regularly with dedication, facts and by actually being funny, entertaining, and interesting.

I guess that was what I had intended as my real topic this time: maturity. I’ve grown up. I sure wish those whose devotion to Islam has them believing that strapping on some explosives and blowing up themselves and hundreds of others “in the name of Allah” would grow up, too.

Grow up, don’t blow up. Now, there’s a catch phrase. Have they learned nothing from Jeff Dunham and Achmed The Dead Terrorist?

Shouting “Allahu Akbar” (“God is greatest”) while slaughtering innocent civilians, then claiming that “Allah has been avenged” isn’t going to convert anyone to Islam.

My own religion is familiar with this: “Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord”, meaning that only God is allowed to avenge. To Muslims, Allah is known as “The One and Only One who has the right to exact vengeance”.

So, let’s leave vengeance to God, because, you see, Allah and Jehovah and Yahweh and just plain, good-old, capital-gee God are all the same omniscient and omnipotent being. “Imagine all the people, living life in peace”. Shouldn’t that be an attainable goal?

Until that happens, as a humourist, I'm more than happy and proud to paint the target on my own back as often as possible.

Je suis Alan, mais aussi, je suis Charlie.  Tout le monde, nous sommes Charlie, et la gloire à Dieu.