A daughter’s memoir about dementia

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Published on Thursday, September 15, 2016

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Elizabeth Murray wanted to believe that her mother’s actions were nothing more than the normal aging of a sometimes difficult and determined woman. Had Murray not been absorbed with her own ill health, she might have been more concerned about her mother’s memory lapses and unusual behaviour but a battle with cancer, the death of her father and a strained relationship with her brothers had left her emotionally drained. It was easier to push aside her worries than to confront her fears that her mother was in the early stages of a debilitating disease.

Released in November of 2015, Murray’s memoir, Holding on to Mamie: My Mother, Dementia and Me, chronicles her mother’s decline from dementia and its insidious transformation of a once vibrant woman. 

“After my mother was forced to move into a nursing home, I found caches of notes crammed into the cupboards and drawers of her house,” explains Murray, who became the target for her mother’s increasing anger and paranoia as dementia took hold.  “The notes contained bitter indictments against me for things that I had never said or done.”

From the time she was a young girl, Murray had always been her mother’s ally and confidante. The notes were painful reminders of how dementia had changed their relationship. 

Murray includes some of the notes as a parallel narrative in the book which allows the reader to hear her mother’s perspective as well as her own.

“I began writing as a quest for redemption,” said Murray.  Her memoir has become more than a personal exercise in healing; by raising awareness of some of the darker symptoms of dementia, her story has helped others navigate their own journey with the disease.

Murray’s hope is that sharing her experience will help to normalize dementia and reduce some of the stigma that surrounds the disease. 

A portion of the proceeds from the sale of her memoir will be donated to organizations dedicated to providing services to families who are living with dementia.

Murray will be sharing her story and reading excerpts from Holding on to Mamie at the Minnedosa Regional Library on Tuesday, September 27 at 6:30 p.m.  Copies of the book will be available for purchase and are also available at www.holdingontomamie.ca or at McNally Robinson Booksellers in Winnipeg.